sometimes i need music

Josh loves music. He listens to music all the time. I listen to music, but not really. It's more like, noise. You'll never hear me on "Praise 106 FM" declaring, "This music is just so encouraging! It gets me through the day! Yipee Michael W. Smith!" or on the pop music station being like, "I love the latest hits!"

Well, okay, I don't know if they still actually play Michael W. Smith anymore. I have heard a lot of Nelly Furtado lately, man, I thought she was like, popular back 'n the day. All these artists making comebacks, sheesh.

But there are those few CDs I cling to in times of trouble. Well, half the songs on a choice few CDs.

At the end of the day today it felt like the world was crashing in around me. I felt so weighed down I couldn't lift my head, I didn't even want to breathe. The wind was slamming into our windows that face the lake and I thought it was going to shatter them (today was the Northwest's biggest storm of the season, I recommend if YOU LOVE REALLY AWESOME WINDSTORMS read all about it) but then, I was okay with the wind. I felt like I storm, too. All crazy and out of control and going 70mph for 12 hours straight.

I talked it over with Josh, after doing the whole "What's wrong?" "Nothing." "Tell me. "No." "Yes. "No." and then me bursting into tears and he told me it was going to be okay, and we prayed and I gave it over to God, for like the bajillionth time (it seems like). After he went to work, I pulled out my Caedmon's Call CD, "40 Acres". I came across the album on accident, which is the way I come across most albums I like.

I listened to it, the whole thing, all the way through. And then I listened to it again. I'm not sure why I can relate to the lyrics and what they are saying, but it must have something to do with hearing other people and how they relate to God. Their stories, their struggles, and how they overcome.

Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.


-excerpt from "Table for Two" by Caedmon's Call