dictation

I remember when I didn't know what H&P meant. And then when it was explained to me, "History and Physical" (a patient's medical history and current physical health status) sounded like the most foreign term I had ever heard. I had a hard time remembering what H&P stood for since it sounded so weird to me. Now it's one of the most important things to me at work and the first thing I go to.

There were a lot of things I didn't know that now are old hat - and I have to continually remind myself of this now that I've been training new nurses. It's weird that I'm the "expert" now - even though I'm totally not "expert" level nursing according to most Nursing Theorists (takes five years in one specialty to obtain expertise). I rattle off EF this, creatinine level that and am met with blank stares and slow nods, and I realize I should take the time to explain everything.

I do not miss being new, not knowing anything. I would hate hate hate to switch jobs or specialities now, start all over - that clueless anxious feeling is the worst feeling in the world. I still get that feeling with each new procedure or task I am supposed to learn... like I was trained on treadmills and stress echos for a few weeks, and before I picked up on that I was so crazy anxious about each one I had to do. Now I am anxious about the drug-induced stress tests, like dobutamine. That's what I am supposed to learn next. Yikesers.

It's funny looking back to my first major, journalism, when I would be editing the school paper or doing my publishing internship-writing for publications, newsletters and online content - I fretted about different things too but it was 100 x less stressful than nursing. I was thinking about this when I was typing out a paper for Josh (he talks out his outline and I type it while he is talking - yay I help him in his schoolwork occassionally yay good wife) - I was like wow, my grammar and spelling have gotten really lax with my online blog n'stuff. It's bad juju 'cause then when I go to write good and properly (heh) for a paper for school, I get all tempted to write like how I write here - just freeflowing thought that is completely unedited and full of horrific grammar mistakes. A couple years ago I would've cringed at the thought - but it is so freeing now. In nursing, I am good at it, but you can't make a single mistake. In writing, it's something that is easy and I enjoy, and I'm just enjoying it. I relish in it. I write and write and never go back to edit a word. I'm freeeee.