legacy

When I first moved out of urban Seattle and into the country in junior high there wasn't a lot to do. In the middle of town was a large (well, big for a small town, not really that large) AG (Assemblies of God) church that had a youth group where most of the kids at the public school went to on Tuesday evenings. The youth leader at the time was really into "Leaving a Legacy" for whatever reason, and it was The Nineties, so everything had a Hip Name, and Sweet Posters and Graphics that All Match. And the College Age Guys with their Electric Guitars and Amps would play Rock Music for an hour to kick off the service (while half the teens went behind the church to smoke up pot or meth). So everyone at 3:15 pm after school would be like "Hey man, are you going to Legacy(tm) tonight?" and their friend would be like, "Yah man, totally." and someone else would be like "Me Too."

I went for like a year. I really hated it, but I needed friends and socialization so I went every Tuesday. I didn't really understand the small-town kids, because let's face it, they're weird and country-bumpkiny and very "Christian"ized with being Christ-like. Yah, I know, confusing. Also, having rock music at church, people praying out loud whenever they felt like, dancing around, that was all weird to me and I'd never heard of such a thing before. My spanish catholic grandma was like rolling over her in grave is what I kept thinking to myself as I sat there listening to a 23-year old strum his guitar while pushing his long frosted tips out of his face as he repeated "Love you so muuuch! Yeah!" about 25 times (NOT kidding!). The only part I enjoyed was the 12 minute message at the end of the night (and before that you had to endure a 25 minute "Dear Jesus God Jesus OH Father Holy Jesus We love You Oh Jesus" prayer from some hyped up 20 year old) where the youth leader got up and preached his Legacy Series (insert flashy powerpoint graphic zoom with Fancy Legacy Logo here). What he said made sense to me - what I was doing and planning in junior high was already starting my legacy. What choices I made would affect the people after me. It seemed he would almost touch on some scripture, which I was really thirsty for at the time, but then instead he would end the message. I always left disappointed about that, but it started a path that led me away from just thinking of my self ME ME ME only, to a better path where I thought about seeking God first. And I found a small, small Bible-based church where I was taught uhm, like, The Bible. And they didn't have a logo, which I appreciated. AND they called youth group, Youth Group - wow! What a concept.

Anyway, I was reminded of the silly Legacy nights today because I was thinking about Josh's grandpa. Or Grumps, as he is called by his kids. This guy was cool - he has a lot of kids, which I always think is the bestest, and tons of grandkids, and they all came to visit and care for him when he was dying, and really out of a great love and respect. I can tell just from knowing his children and grandchildren and their stories about him that he was a man who loved God and loved his family - he served his country in the military, and when he retired he served his church and community in really big ways. I don't see how he made money on a military retirement and living in Oklahoma where there isn't a lot of money, but it seems like he did because there are funds to take care of his widow and they have a nice house and things like that, just really responsible. I was just really impressed.

Josh was mentioning briefly to me about how his dad is now the Man of the household, of the head of the family, or whatever language he used I forget, and how it kind of hit his Dad finally that like, hey, I'm responsible now. Now it's my job to watch over my mom, my sisters, little brother, the finances, the summer house, etc. How strange and surreal that must feel. At this point in my young life, I can't imagine one or both my parents being gone, their house empty, and me trying to figure out what to do for holidays or who is going to take who to the doctor...making big decisions for people who used to make big decisions for you. And when the people are gone, where is going back home then? I guess it makes your house the "home" the everyone comes "home" to.

So, I was really feeling for Josh's dad, and Josh, and his family, but it's so peaceful to think of how wonderful Grumps was, and how much his family loves him, and that God loves him, and that he's in a better place, in God's grace.

In contrast, I think of my mom's dad, and how vile and evil he has been the whole lot of his life, how he has spent the last 70 years drunk everyday noon-7pm, how he cursed me as a very young child and left my grandma before my mom was even born, and even when I met him for just the 2nd time in my life a few months ago, I still disliked him - and I don't usually dislike 90 year olds who are kind of cute-ish with the white hair and the angelic face, and near-deaf. I know that God loves and cares for him, and has kept him living so long maybe in hopes of his repentance? Who knows. God knows. I don't. For many years I thought he must've died, because whose liver could survive 70 years of alcoholism? But then he showed up in our lives again for a brief time. If he dies I will probably find out much later, from a distant cousin who would mention it a few months after the fact. How DIFFERENT from Josh's Grumps! What have I learned from my mom's dad? Nothing. What not to do. And in the four short years I've known Josh's Grumps I've learned invaluable things. What's more, without him living a good life, and teaching his son to live a good life, I probably wouldn't have the good husband I have today. And the stories me and Josh will tell our children about Grumps! How he danced a hole in his shoe at our wedding reception in the Summer of 2006 - and he just laughed about it and kept on dancing. How he loved Jesus and what a difference that made for all of us - how happy we are that our kids have a Great-Grumps who left a legacy for them. These are the stories I want to tell. These make up what a good Legacy is.