goodbye 2009

goodbye 2009

my favorite thing about this year was making memories and learning how to use a camera so i can remember those times later on!!






saying goodbye to the worst, iciest, snowiest winter my area has seen in many years...



enjoyed spring!!





celebrated independence with friends







enjoyed the company of friends



got WAY more into gardening than i thought i would!



loved seeing my husband enjoy ministry and his job



partied





loved youth ministry and summer events with the youth



HAD WONDERFUL FOOD --- i love living in the pacific NW








had some family time....








enjoyed vacations











celebrated engagements





enjoyed my grandparents





mourned the loss of a family pet



celebrated accomplishments of friend's



hugged my husband as much as i could






this new year, 2010, holds some big changes ahead for us. i am excited, terrified, hopeful, courageous, and my heart is full of love and thankfulness.

josh i can't wait to walk into our new life together this year - i love you

Dear Patient

Dear Sir or Madam,

I see you almost everyday. You are in the hospital as an inpatient. You are at the pharmacy counter. You are in the waiting room. You are calling on the phone. You are in clinic for an office visit. You are in the procedure room for your surgery. You are in the infusion room waiting for me to start your IV. You are young or you are old. In fact, sometimes I see you at church, or at work, bible study, or other places. You just pop up everywhere and you take. This week I have seen a lot of you.

It doesn't matter to you what your family has done for you, how much they care about you, what your nurse has done, how much your friends listen to you, people who stay at your side through thick and thin - you are never satisfied. You are better than everyone and deserve all of the attention and the world revolves around you. At the very least you are more intelligent than everyone, which makes you better in any event.

If something isn't going the way you would like it you sometimes scream and cuss. Sometimes you get all passive-aggressive and sulk. Sometimes you cry and whine. Sometimes you abuse.

You "don't deserve this!" and you "deserve to be the center of attention" and "people should be paying attention" to you because of your:

a: horrible disease
b: how much pain you are in (1. physically 2. emotionally 3. both)
c: how hard life is for you because of your (1. social disorder 2. disability 3. addiction 4. economic problem 5. relationship status 6. children 7. chronic disease 8. general burdens in life that are unique to only you of course)

Also, you have made it quite clear that no matter what we do, or how long it is after you are well, no matter how much we listen and care, you still need all of the attention. You still are never satisfied with anything or anyone, and nothing is good enough. And you can't believe how dare someone get more attention than me, how undeserving are they, you are better and more important than they are, you have been through so much more. I mean, you don't actually know THEM over THERE, but obviously you are much worse off. YOUR call light is more important than theirs (so what if it's a code blue?), YOUR phone call is BETTER than THEIRS. Your prayer request is the MOST URGENT.

We should feel so sorry for you, and just give and give and give.

6 months later at your office visit, or your coffee visit with us, or wherever, it is still the same. You have all these problems, and they are more important than ours. You have made no effort to change anything in your life (you have heart disease but you still smoke, you have relationship problems but you do not have standards, you have spiritual problems but just can't find the time to go to church, you have addiction problems but can't change your habits, you feel lost and alone but won't read the Bible, you have diabetes but you eat carbs all day) because you have a ROUTINE, and YOU need it, and you are too important and too busy to change these things, or you just don't want to and you have the BEST excuses. Besides, this is OUR fault, at the very least we have to hear about it and BE EMPATHETIC to YOUR needs. WE "just don't understand" YOU, we don't care enough, we don't know how hard it is.

Sometimes your problems have been solved, but only replaced by new problems. We remind you now that you have that job or relationship you've always wanted, but you remind us how stupid we are. THAT didn't make you happy (even though you said that was all you needed), in fact it only caused more NEW and AWFUL problems.

You call the office constantly, you schedule meetings with your pastor/teacher/doctor to whine so you can feel better about yourself afterwards, you update your facebook status everyday with a new woe just to let everyone know how hard life is for you each day (and this is good for fishing for a quick sympathy fix), you call and text your friends or you stay at home and shun them on purpose.

You hate other people who are like you, because they are getting attention. You hate people who aren't like you, because they aren't giving you attention. You aren't involved as a volunteer, you aren't involved in the community, you don't give to charity (unless it's for tax write off), your first thoughts are of your needs. You neglect your life partner and take people for granted. You alienate friends and avoid making new ones because people are "so needy!" and you can't stand to listen to them. You are offended that your pastor asks you to come to church on Sunday, much less WORK in a MINISTRY. You are offended your doctor asks you to make simple life changes that impeded on your preferred diet or lifestyle. You say God is important but He is your last priority. You are good at manipulating people. You are a control freak. You are lazy. You keep people at a distance unless they suit your needs. In fact, in general, other people are very annoying and pretty useless to you unless they "mesh" or "click" with you and contribute to your needs.

You don't make friends or make an effort to care about other people that annoy you. You don't want to get involved with church because it is full of people who are annoying and don't understand you. You don't give and love your family because they are annoying and they don't understand you. You break off relationships or ignore the current ones because they are too much drama for you.

If one thing in your life goes wrong, everything is wrong. You try to compartmentalize to avoid this, to stay in control. You let everyone know when something is disappointing and out of your routine and how inconvenient it is, but you are incapable of being transparent and letting people know when you are a depressed and lonely.

You are selfish.

You are nearsighted.

You are inward focused.

You are a taker.

You are a breaker.

You are blind to your need for a Savior.

You are sinful.

You are jealous.

You are prejudice.

You are hating your neighbor.

You are unaware of your need for a Savior.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

but you think you'll hold together forever.

You know you're low, but you play so high.

You can't play as your own God forever.




I've seen about as much of YOU(s) as I can stand this week. I'm your pastor's wife, I'm your nurse, I'm your friend, I'm your neighbor - I'm not perfect. I do these things too, I'm selfish by nature. But you, YOU are everywhere! We need less of you. I need less ME in me, too, and more God. Why can't WE look outside ourselves to others? Why do we look at other people and see "ANNOYING -- " instead of seeing someone God loves? Someone who is a good friend? Someone who care about us? Why do we spew hate and not love?

And you who have no excuse? Who have been a "CHRISTIAN?" What is the deal?


You remind me of a Keith Green song ==

Do you see, do you see
All the people sinking down
Don't you care, don't you care
Are you gonna let them drown

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

"Oh bless me lord, bless me Lord"
You know it's all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear

But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds
And He cares for your needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in
Oh can't you see it's such a sin

'Cause He brings people to you door
And you turn them away
As you smile and say
"God bless you, be at peace"
And all heaven just weeps
'Cause Jesus came to you door
You've left him out on the streets

Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

God's calling and you're the one
But like Jonah you run
He's told you to speak
But you keep holding it in
Of can't you see it's such a sin

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
'Cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

Oh, Jesus rose from the dead
Come on get out of your bed

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

Don't close your eyes
Don't pretend the job's done
"Come away, come away, come away with me my love
Come away, come away, come away with me my love

im a jerk

NuKru Presents...

Spencer #9 | MySpace Video

i love my little cousin and what him and his freshman in college friends do.

we grew up listening and dancing to hip hop lol

for those of you who don't know, ima jerk.

also of note

also of note,
i will be back to blogging more often,
and generally live a happier,
more content life,
no longer depressed,
wish i could quit my job,
but i can't,
so i will keep working,
but at night i will write,
and take photos,
and cook good food,
and love my husband,
and read the Bible and pray,
and love my church,
and teach the kids on the weekend,
and life will be peaceful,
and restful,
for the following reasons:

- there is no more sun until probably April or May 2010 which cuts down on outside distractions and projects and travel.

- it's rainy out a lot and the drizzle is comforting

- it's friggin cold outside (boo!!!)

+ i'm cutting back on my commitments/activities because of BURNOUT!

+ my 365 photo project will be done at the end of October (so tired of looking at my face. srsly.)

+ i get to start on my annual NanoWrimo project in November! I have enjoyed this so much the past 3 years.

+ i pulled out all my tea and coffee and cocoa set and it sits out all the time now for everyone to enjoy a nice hot beverage

+ i like halloween and fall

+ soon it will be thanksgiving and good food

+ soon it will be Christmas which will be full of decorations and lights and celebrations and Happy

+ i'm going to take Josh out on dates because he has done that for me the past couple of months and it was really fun ^_^

+ i may actually paint the living room.... nahhh.

+ maybe i will finally find a cheap sewing machine. still looking. that would open up a whole new world of good home/house stuff to do that i've wanted to do for a long time.

RIP Grumps

books

I was running my hand across an old, dusty, leathery-pleathery hardcover of an old friendly book the other day. The smell of the stacks brought back a flood of memories in less than a second.

These memories make me wonder if the valley, Little Valley, my family lives in, if it misses children coming to visit. For at least 20 years, every summer, it could count on 3-4 children running around in the pastures, hiking through the forest and trudging up and down the creek that runs through the middle. Pulling out strands of it's long grass and trying to make whistling noises, shredding seeds off the long rye, moving sticks from one end to the other, counting "baby salmons" in the shallow areas of the crick.

I remember me, Yvette and Lynnae spent hours running from one side of the culvert bridge to the other watching our "Pooh Sticks" come to the other side. Half the game was the fun of finding newer, better sticks to send off under the bridge.

We made at least twenty treasure maps one summer, inspired by a book series we read where the heroine goes off to find treasure. Another summer we solved mystery after mystery like Nancy Drew. Other times we would hike around the woods looking for "clues" and making animal friends (like white kittens) and imaginary handsome boyfriends, hoping a real one would come along like the companions Mandie had in The Carolinas. For a month we all wanted a long braid to flip over our shoulder like the girl in the Northwoods series (I think that was the name).

One time we tried to convert the back40 tractor and parts shed into a boxcar, so we could live in it like the Boxcar Children. Damming off a creek was much harder in real life, the book made it sound easier. I had a little plastic cup that was "my own", God knows what else we stole from the Farm kitchen that is probably still missing. I remember at least three ceramic jars we swiped to hold all our "food and supplies" (like the blueberries we picked and some juice boxes) we needed to survive on our own. We were orphans, you know, living in a Boxcar.

Poor, poor orphans. Left at The Farm with Gramma for three whole months. We wouldn't even pretend to be sorry to leave smelly, polluted, congested, crowded South Seattle for a ferry ride to The Farm. The time passed quickly, and in a flash, the leaves were falling, the canning was done and we were back playing hopscotch in the street while our friend's older siblings smoked and talked about the other gang impeding on their turf. We would take solace in the next book series, maybe one about gymnast girls who had cool adventures, or a Sci-Fi series about the post-nuclear war future. In any even, we would go from car to inside, never spending more than a minute outdoors, and fight for space in the small two bedroom. The rain and fog seemed unending. The sunshine, sweet smelling pastures, corn on the cob, animals, big porch and 4-bedroom farmhouse seemed so far away. The dreary rain, unending buildings and pavement seemed much more real.

Is it a lonely valley? Was it lonely in the decade-long gap between my father running there in every summer of his youth until I came for my summers? Will it still be there when my children need the perfect canvas to paint what is in their imaginations?

legacy

When I first moved out of urban Seattle and into the country in junior high there wasn't a lot to do. In the middle of town was a large (well, big for a small town, not really that large) AG (Assemblies of God) church that had a youth group where most of the kids at the public school went to on Tuesday evenings. The youth leader at the time was really into "Leaving a Legacy" for whatever reason, and it was The Nineties, so everything had a Hip Name, and Sweet Posters and Graphics that All Match. And the College Age Guys with their Electric Guitars and Amps would play Rock Music for an hour to kick off the service (while half the teens went behind the church to smoke up pot or meth). So everyone at 3:15 pm after school would be like "Hey man, are you going to Legacy(tm) tonight?" and their friend would be like, "Yah man, totally." and someone else would be like "Me Too."

I went for like a year. I really hated it, but I needed friends and socialization so I went every Tuesday. I didn't really understand the small-town kids, because let's face it, they're weird and country-bumpkiny and very "Christian"ized with being Christ-like. Yah, I know, confusing. Also, having rock music at church, people praying out loud whenever they felt like, dancing around, that was all weird to me and I'd never heard of such a thing before. My spanish catholic grandma was like rolling over her in grave is what I kept thinking to myself as I sat there listening to a 23-year old strum his guitar while pushing his long frosted tips out of his face as he repeated "Love you so muuuch! Yeah!" about 25 times (NOT kidding!). The only part I enjoyed was the 12 minute message at the end of the night (and before that you had to endure a 25 minute "Dear Jesus God Jesus OH Father Holy Jesus We love You Oh Jesus" prayer from some hyped up 20 year old) where the youth leader got up and preached his Legacy Series (insert flashy powerpoint graphic zoom with Fancy Legacy Logo here). What he said made sense to me - what I was doing and planning in junior high was already starting my legacy. What choices I made would affect the people after me. It seemed he would almost touch on some scripture, which I was really thirsty for at the time, but then instead he would end the message. I always left disappointed about that, but it started a path that led me away from just thinking of my self ME ME ME only, to a better path where I thought about seeking God first. And I found a small, small Bible-based church where I was taught uhm, like, The Bible. And they didn't have a logo, which I appreciated. AND they called youth group, Youth Group - wow! What a concept.

Anyway, I was reminded of the silly Legacy nights today because I was thinking about Josh's grandpa. Or Grumps, as he is called by his kids. This guy was cool - he has a lot of kids, which I always think is the bestest, and tons of grandkids, and they all came to visit and care for him when he was dying, and really out of a great love and respect. I can tell just from knowing his children and grandchildren and their stories about him that he was a man who loved God and loved his family - he served his country in the military, and when he retired he served his church and community in really big ways. I don't see how he made money on a military retirement and living in Oklahoma where there isn't a lot of money, but it seems like he did because there are funds to take care of his widow and they have a nice house and things like that, just really responsible. I was just really impressed.

Josh was mentioning briefly to me about how his dad is now the Man of the household, of the head of the family, or whatever language he used I forget, and how it kind of hit his Dad finally that like, hey, I'm responsible now. Now it's my job to watch over my mom, my sisters, little brother, the finances, the summer house, etc. How strange and surreal that must feel. At this point in my young life, I can't imagine one or both my parents being gone, their house empty, and me trying to figure out what to do for holidays or who is going to take who to the doctor...making big decisions for people who used to make big decisions for you. And when the people are gone, where is going back home then? I guess it makes your house the "home" the everyone comes "home" to.

So, I was really feeling for Josh's dad, and Josh, and his family, but it's so peaceful to think of how wonderful Grumps was, and how much his family loves him, and that God loves him, and that he's in a better place, in God's grace.

In contrast, I think of my mom's dad, and how vile and evil he has been the whole lot of his life, how he has spent the last 70 years drunk everyday noon-7pm, how he cursed me as a very young child and left my grandma before my mom was even born, and even when I met him for just the 2nd time in my life a few months ago, I still disliked him - and I don't usually dislike 90 year olds who are kind of cute-ish with the white hair and the angelic face, and near-deaf. I know that God loves and cares for him, and has kept him living so long maybe in hopes of his repentance? Who knows. God knows. I don't. For many years I thought he must've died, because whose liver could survive 70 years of alcoholism? But then he showed up in our lives again for a brief time. If he dies I will probably find out much later, from a distant cousin who would mention it a few months after the fact. How DIFFERENT from Josh's Grumps! What have I learned from my mom's dad? Nothing. What not to do. And in the four short years I've known Josh's Grumps I've learned invaluable things. What's more, without him living a good life, and teaching his son to live a good life, I probably wouldn't have the good husband I have today. And the stories me and Josh will tell our children about Grumps! How he danced a hole in his shoe at our wedding reception in the Summer of 2006 - and he just laughed about it and kept on dancing. How he loved Jesus and what a difference that made for all of us - how happy we are that our kids have a Great-Grumps who left a legacy for them. These are the stories I want to tell. These make up what a good Legacy is.

pass away

Josh's grandfather passed away and he'll be flying out for a week to be with his family.

rojo

I had a pretty good weekend although driving miles and miles and miles was not really something I was into when it was stormy and horrible weather. And Josh was sick, so I was all by myself. I hate driving. I hate snow and wind and rain. I hate the Tacoma Narrows bridge when there's 40 mph gusts. And the ferry when there's 50 mph gusts.

I got to hang out with my cousins Friday and Saturday, that was awesome. We played games and went out to lunch. Saturday night I hung out with Justin and some friends and we reminisced about his dad and good memories. Sunday I ate breakfast with the 'Rents and helped my gramma with some geneology stuff - she is finally finding out some info about my grampa's side of the family which we really don't know a lot about (besides that his parents moved from Kansas to Washington State during the Depression).

Then I saw Matt and D's new little baby boy, very cute.

I was reading my great-gramma's notes about moving out of Kansas "out west" in search of food and a place to live, and to get away from dust - and I was like hmmm, if the Great Depression hits us again, I really can't move farther out west. Like, I could move to Hawaii or Japan I guess...

Featherticks and Air Mattresses

I love air mattresses. I always have. When I spend the night at a friend's house or somewhere, and they're like, oh, sorry, all I have is an air matress, I'm like, it's ok!! I like air mattresses!!

My parents, if you didn't know, are typical Seattle people. Both raised in the crazy hippie downtown Seattle 1960s, my dad was raised whitebread Boeing innercity, my mom raised uhm, how do I say without using the typical offensive slang we used at home, ethnic? innercity. Either way, it's about the same. Same economic status, same immigrant types yelling at you from the doorways, well - ok, different druggie preferences, but still most of your neighbors on drugs.

Anyway, when we lived in Seattle we were surrounded by family, even though they were still in different neighborhoods. These neighborhoods were much the same since my parents grew up in them, and probably are still the same now even though I'm grown up from them. I would get to stay at different houses of relatives since I was a good house guest, but annoying to live with 24/7 (homeschooled!!), apparently. Mostly it was my cousin's house or they were at mine since we were all homeschooled, us three girls crammed into a tiny room wherever we were sent. I remember fighting over who got a certain mattress for the floor - if an air mattress could survive long enough without getting a hole so that we could each have a turn - that was rare.

For the summer we were always sent to the Farm (what we considered Kid Paradise HQ) where Grandma was much more practical. She had WWII cots with squeaky rusting springs and very very thin mattresses on top, and "Feather Ticks", which I'm sure came over from Eastern Europe on the boat with my Grandma Martha. Oh, Feather Ticks, nothing at all like the sleek, modern air mattress. I would lay one feather-stuffed cotton sack on top of another, but it always felt like I was sleeping on the floor. Additionally, 70 years of goose feathers, dust and mold made my small lungs very ill, although no one made the connection at the time. For goodness sake, my dad had slept on them, maybe even my grandma, as a child. My younger cousins must've thought I was generous in later summers, letting them have three feather ticks while I slept on one or none - but it was just that I knew there was no point, no matter what, I was still really sleeping on the bare floor. I have never had a cushion of chubbiness, so these bony prominences need to stay away from the floor.

But there was always hope of an air mattress at the end of the summer. My mom would cook for the youth retreats for our church in Seattle, and would take me for a week or two to the ocean, or one of the lakes in hot, sunny eastern Washington or Oregon. Not only did I get to see most of gorgeous spots and sights of the Northwest during those summers, but all from the comfort of my air mattress. If only I would've known sooner that my mom bought those at the dollar store (for only a dollar!) in the pool toys section, I would've saved my own money and bought 12. I could lay my sleeping bag on top of that air mattress and drift comfortably into dreamland wherever our tent was laid, even if it was on top of pointy rocks.

The past few weekends, actually every weekend since Christmas, we've had houseguests. Last week we blew up the air mattress for extra sleeping space. After the guests had left I was starting to deflate it. I suddenly felt sad. All that air, comfy, cozy air, only slept on one time, what a waste. I pushed my hand down on it - it was still a tensile structure. As it started to deflate it wheezed nooooo. I stopped deflating, stood up, turned around and just fell back into it with complete trust the air mattress would cushion my fall. All those happy summer memories flooded back to me in an instant. The bright stars above Moses Lake, the warm air at the Crossing at Keller's Ferry, three girls giggling about pancakes late at night in a stuffy room, and the small space in between the 2nd floor stairs and the wall at the Farm that is just room enough to sleep in.

I declared to Josh later in the evening that the air mattress was staying in the living room fully inflated and that even though it was a Thursday night and I have to get up early to work the next day, I was going camping, and he is welcome to join me (it is a queen size air mattress anyway). We stayed up late sitting on the air mattress, eating snacks, watching funny TV shows (The Office AND camping?! Yes please!), and I felt the general giddiness of sleeping out in a different space, with different blankets and different surroundings, and the naughtiness of being up past bedtime on a worknight for the sole purpose of having Summertime-like fun.

I woke up in the morning refreshed, and half-expecting the smell of evergreen trees and the sound of a propane stove heating water for coffee in a tin can. I bounced around the kitchen getting ready for work, and Josh must have noticed the huge grin on my face. He asked, "You had fun camping, didn't you?" Yes I did.

"You want to go camping again tonight?". I felt a smile run across my face. I wrapped my arms around his neck as my way of a thank you for him sharing silly things like air mattresses with me (which I'm sure hold little to no interest or sentiment for him). I whispered to a response to him, YES, Yes I do want to go camping again tonight.

jiggity jog

My Great-Aunt Freda used to sing a song to me when I was little when she was cooking lunch (usually peas, ham and some sort of something in a pot) on the stove after we had gone to the morning market:

"To market, to market, to buy a fat pig;
Home again, home again, jiggity-jig.
To market, to market, to buy a fat hog;
Home again, home again, jiggety-jog."

She was a plump woman, who always looked no more than 70 years old to me, even when she was 80, 90, etc. She would babysit me when my mom was at work. She would stand on the orange and white linoleum floor and stir the pot singing or humming to me. Her house was 1930s South Seattle in all senses of the term, post-World War boom frozen in time. On top of the buffet in the small dining room held her favorite 1920s costume jewelry and her brother's harmonicas from one of the great Wars, I'm not sure if it is I or II, she had so many siblings in which she was the youngest. I loved slobbering and blowing in and out of the harmonicas, probably not realizing how obnoxious I was for hours on end, but I never remember her asking me to stop or be quiet. She would stay in the kitchen putting peas in everything (yuck! I would think to myself) including if we were having Top Ramen, which was my favorite thing (minus peas!). She also made hearty bean soups that I thought were quite strange, made of whatever was on hand I am quite sure. Everything had ham in it. Her split pea soup had both things she seemed to like, ham and peas, two things I hated. But I wanted her to want me to stay there, so I grimaced through each sip.

Mostly we had Top Ramen since she figured out quickly I was going to starve myself if she kept making pea soup. We ate off the wobbly card table that was positioned on the thick shag carpet, her folding chair positioned in view of the television, my back to the TV. As we were finishing the noodles she would lean over with a twinkle in her eye and say, "Now don't tell anyone, you have to do this when no one is looking!" and drew the bowl up to her lips and SLURRP! the remaining broth and swallow it down quickly. I would follow in suit, swinging my short legs under the card table and giggling for minutes afterwards.

Then Aunt Freda would put the bowls away and clean up the kitchen, and I would pet the kitty and chase kitty around the green shag carpet living room. Kitty was a nearly deaf siamese cat, which are loud and vocal as it is, but this cat was pitifully deaf and would almost howl. I remember the cat never, ever shut up, would always meow, even while sleeping it seemed. I like the kitty because it reminded me of a cat from a Disney movie ("We are Siamese if you please! Meow! ba-doom-boom-boom. We are Siamese if you don't please! Meow! boom boom."), and also I loved it's pretty blue eyes.

Then Aunt Freda would turn up the volume on the television (The Andy Griffith Show or Matlock), sit on the davenport (couch), and promptly fell asleep within minutes. I wonder how much of her life she really missed out on. She was never able to drive, she had narcolepsy (excessive sleepiness). She was never tired, but if she stayed still long enough she would be asleep straight away. I would watch from the back of the church Sunday morning, waiting for her head to drop a few minutes into the minister's sermon. Like clockwork, her red 1930s style hat drooped forward, chin dropping to her chest, making her almost completely out of view from behind the pew.

That's another thing that fascinated me about Aunt Freda's house, all the hats. She had a hundred hat boxes, most of them stacked on a large shelf in the bathroom that overhung the cast-iron white clawfoot tub. If I was spending the night, I would take a bath before bedtime, I would sit in the clawfoot tub, which never seemed to be warm no matter how warm the water was, and stare up at all the beautiful hat boxes. They were out of reach for my height, but close enough to see all the beautiful victorian women painted on them, or the beautiful flowers. I would take long baths.

She had beautiful hats she made and decorated herself, she was a proficient seamstress. My favorite thing she made, and I think hers too, were the Raggedy Ann (and Andy) dolls. I don't recall ever reading the books, but she knew the stories for Raggedy Ann. Other than sewing and church, I never saw her anywhere else except her garden, even into the last years of her life. She had a grand garden, looking quite well for the weather we have in the Seattle area, and could grow any flower or vegetable. My nickname for her was Freedy Weedy - I thought I was pretty clever. I explained to my dad many times on the car ride, "It's 'cause she's always WEEEDINNNG. WEEEDINNG. Get ittt??? Daaad?" I must've been an exhausting child.

My aunt was one of those old school frontier women, who was raised on a large ranch started after her parents, german/irish immigrants, had settled in Oregon after reaching the end of the long Oregon trail. I've seen black and white pictures of her as a young, thin little 20-something, riding a motorcycle to and from work "while the men were away at war." Auntie Freda lived to her nineties and died not too long ago. Her older sister, who died more than a decade ago and was much older, was named Eunice. Gotta love those immigrant names. Eunice raised my mom during the early years of my mom's life while my grandma was at school and my mom's sisters were at Catholic boarding school. Later, Freda was a part of my life raising me. I would watch Freda and Eunice play pinochle or bridge for hours at a time, bickering with each other about the rules or whatever sisters bicker over, while they snacked on sugar cookies.



It's funny how I remember sub-conciously little childhood things like this when I feel like I'm truly at home. I found I was singing to myself this morning, as I was cleaning up the house, "home again, home again, jiggity jog..."

HOME.

I would very much like to go home now.

Oh good - I get to fly out tonight? Excellent.

We did lots of family dinners and things while we've been here. I met more uncles and aunts and cousins I hadn't met before.

I took pictures.

I packed.

Josh's little brother (who's 18 now so not so little) is flying home with us to stay for a week or so. I'm totally excited, it's going to be a lot of fun. I still have a few days off of work so we can do something fun! And we have friends coming into town this weekend, so that's going to be awesome too.

So, things to look forward to! What I'm not looking forward to is the flights and stopovers to get there...

my astronaut cousin

Geneology is fun!

I have an astronaut cousin. Yayyy!!

slideshow

Keith's Memorial Service from Heidi on Vimeo.

better

Things are going better here. My family is here to visit, my grandparents and aunt and Yvette came to visit - Yvette and her mom stayed with us last night. It was fun.

Today hopefully we'll spend some more time together.

Tonight I get to go to Canada!

daweekends

Friday night - met my grandpa. I met him once when I was young - anyway, it totally sucked, he's pretty much as I expected, but I was *hoping* for more than I expected. I don't know why I listened to my aunt when she begged me to come - blah, I wish I hadn't.

What was fun about Friday night was afterwards, we went to Azteca and had margaritas and chips and salsa. Listened to people singing Karaoke. I tried one song with Josh. :-)



Josh and Vicki came to visit Saturday/Sunday - yay. That was awesome.

Next week me and Josh get to get away for our anniversary - finally... ecstatic.

summer

summer is here!

I'm at the farm today to celebrate my birthday. :-)

Gotta love the country life!!

bok bok

We had bok! choy! tonight! bok! bok! choy!

Anyway, I think the month of April deserves some applause. It has been the most dreadful, snowy, rainy, coldest and LONGEST winter I have seen in my 23 years living in the Pacific Northwest. It wasn't particularly the MOST snow, the MOST rain, or the coldest EVER - or anything, just the most of all of the above, for an extended period of unrelenting time. And now, finally, the last few weekends in April, some sun here and there, and tolerably above freezing (most of the time). And flowerbuds.

Bad weather or not, we lived April to it's fullest and I have no complaints about the past month at all, it's been an immense lift to my spirits:


Josh took a full weekend off, so we both had the same two days off which never happens, and he took me to Seattle to be tourists and stay in a nice hotel. I always heard couples (usually older) talk about how it's important to get away, together, and how just getting away helps and whatever, I don't really know what they say about it exactly that is about the point that I start drifting off -- anyway, they are probably right. I felt like we were on vacation for five days, and I got home so refreshed, and felt closer and that I got to know Josh even better, and made memories - it was just, awesome.

Okay more pictures from that because all parts were fun:



We had brunch at the top of the Space Needle thus giving us free admission to the observation deck and much snapping of fotos.



The Seattle Center, Monorail, and downtown shopping are always fun, and I liked being Josh's tourguide (somewhat not so expert but lovable tourguide).





We met up with Michael Saturday night to see the Mariner's play what you could call baseball and catch a comedy show.

Weekend after that:



Took the train to stay with Lynnae (cousin) in Portland. Happened to be Earth Day weekend (Earth Day is a two week long event in Portland I guess). So, I saw pretty much the hippiest of the hippies, I'm pretty sure. I could be mistaken. But I'm pretty sure I'm not. It was fun though, but very cold. It was snowing at my house but luckily I was much farther south at the time - but Lynnae travels via bicycle, and so in all my pictures you see I am bundled up. FOUR layers. Brrr.




Meanwhile the church had sader, seder, sedar service and Josh will talk you ear off about it and how great it was, etc. etc. - Josh being the new pastor it was the first time this church had participated I think in a all-church thing, like this. Our sister church is messianic church and they do the whole sh-bang, so we will probably be participating more with these things I think. At least we would very much like to. I wish I had more to say about this but unfortunately I missed it due to me taking the train home. Which was a very enjoyable ride. Ahhh. Cars, never again.



Last weekend we stuck around and learned more about the history of our town. Not really though because the festival that was celebrating the town's founder was like a nonevent and we must've gone at the wrong time or something because there was no-one around except a guy selling kettle corn. But we stuck around town anyway, and it was fun. And people stacked rocks (impressive, actually, you should really check that out. I tried, so did Josh, but it was not half as impressive as those other rocks. For a few minutes I dreamed of what it would be like to stack big pointy rocks on top of little smooth round rocks for a living. But then I realized you can't make a living off of that.)

I really do like living up here, but I also like getting away and seeing other places. April, you've impressed me - but I am so ready for SPRING weather. Please?




P.S. I added photos to our "new home" set so you can see what it looks like with furniture and things, for those of you not able to come stop by!