currently

+ my husband is amazing. the past few months have been so crappy, i've been so sick, it was stressful not knowing if i had a job the next day or not, it was stressful sometimes not being able to go to the job i had because i was throwing up like 8 x a day, but he's been like, amazing. caring for me, helping me, holding me, driving me around... yah.i don't think i could say thank you enough.

+ i am officially off the lay off list at work right now... and have a 'new' (*coughexactlythesame*) position and new team to work with

+ i'm not throwing up as much. i can eat regular meals right now with the assistance of some anti-nausea meds.

+ my mom-in-law sent me cute baby booties in the mail

+ i felt baby flutters for the first time!

+ i was able to go with my handsome husband and favorite friends to california and have a wonderful time, and see more wonderful friends who live there. <3

+ i saw sunshine

- i came home to cold rain and wind

+ i opened a fun present with yuppie preggie pops in it that cheered me up

- it made me miss good friends

+ i went out to lunch with newer friends and teased a seagull...found out said new friends are really really really environmentalists/animal rights advocates

+ i teased the seagull more

+ i'm almost back up to my regular weight. 5 lbs to go. feeling less dizzy these days. weird thing is, i totally don't fit into my regular pants, because of a very obvious baby bump.

+ my coworker did an ultrasound on me so i could see my wittle baby

- baby was sneaky and hiding his/her gender

+ i really like my tea and teacups

+ now that i'm feeling better i want to start hanging out with my friends again

+ :-)

christmas caroling

this holiday season was so busy i forgot to share my all time favorite christmas song!!



(lyrics)

And, even more awesomely awesome, this year Jimmy did an updated version of it on his late night show:



Yes please!!


Also, this Christmas season i had the opportunity a few times to play Christmas carols for church / families / parties. This particular family was making a video for a son / nephew / grandson in the military that was overseas on his first tour in Afghanistan, I think. Some of the family is a little sloshed which I think makes them better singers:

goodbye 2009

goodbye 2009

my favorite thing about this year was making memories and learning how to use a camera so i can remember those times later on!!






saying goodbye to the worst, iciest, snowiest winter my area has seen in many years...



enjoyed spring!!





celebrated independence with friends







enjoyed the company of friends



got WAY more into gardening than i thought i would!



loved seeing my husband enjoy ministry and his job



partied





loved youth ministry and summer events with the youth



HAD WONDERFUL FOOD --- i love living in the pacific NW








had some family time....








enjoyed vacations











celebrated engagements





enjoyed my grandparents





mourned the loss of a family pet



celebrated accomplishments of friend's



hugged my husband as much as i could






this new year, 2010, holds some big changes ahead for us. i am excited, terrified, hopeful, courageous, and my heart is full of love and thankfulness.

josh i can't wait to walk into our new life together this year - i love you

at home

at home

josh justin katie tyler in the living room watching stargate season 4

me and beth at the kitchen table nanowrimo'ing

satsuma oranges on the table

happy scented candles in the house

gluten free spaghetti in my tummy

/happy

bible study was good tonight
that john piper guy is spot on.


dont know what i would do without some good friends around on wednesdays and some encouragement. probably lose it.

rain rain dont go away

i'm such a northwest girl because i'm loving the depressing grey endless rain.

it feels SO like home. that sunshine was foreign.

the only bad thing about it is the cieling over our nurses station was literally caving in today. not good. nooooot gooooooood. so, i had to chart in an awkard position at a makeshift desk in the hall while ladders and hammers and people with overalls on yelled at each other in cieling and made a lot of sterile equipment nonsterile with their toppling of things and spreading of cieling dust everywhere.

however once i got off of work me and josh had a nice impromptu pho dinner (mine was pho bu ba or something, it was suggested by the Vietnamese owner, it was spicy and amazing, i'm not going to describe because i'm not a foodie) and he took me to see the improv show with some friends. that was good times.

but now it's time to watch The Office.

Dear Patient

Dear Sir or Madam,

I see you almost everyday. You are in the hospital as an inpatient. You are at the pharmacy counter. You are in the waiting room. You are calling on the phone. You are in clinic for an office visit. You are in the procedure room for your surgery. You are in the infusion room waiting for me to start your IV. You are young or you are old. In fact, sometimes I see you at church, or at work, bible study, or other places. You just pop up everywhere and you take. This week I have seen a lot of you.

It doesn't matter to you what your family has done for you, how much they care about you, what your nurse has done, how much your friends listen to you, people who stay at your side through thick and thin - you are never satisfied. You are better than everyone and deserve all of the attention and the world revolves around you. At the very least you are more intelligent than everyone, which makes you better in any event.

If something isn't going the way you would like it you sometimes scream and cuss. Sometimes you get all passive-aggressive and sulk. Sometimes you cry and whine. Sometimes you abuse.

You "don't deserve this!" and you "deserve to be the center of attention" and "people should be paying attention" to you because of your:

a: horrible disease
b: how much pain you are in (1. physically 2. emotionally 3. both)
c: how hard life is for you because of your (1. social disorder 2. disability 3. addiction 4. economic problem 5. relationship status 6. children 7. chronic disease 8. general burdens in life that are unique to only you of course)

Also, you have made it quite clear that no matter what we do, or how long it is after you are well, no matter how much we listen and care, you still need all of the attention. You still are never satisfied with anything or anyone, and nothing is good enough. And you can't believe how dare someone get more attention than me, how undeserving are they, you are better and more important than they are, you have been through so much more. I mean, you don't actually know THEM over THERE, but obviously you are much worse off. YOUR call light is more important than theirs (so what if it's a code blue?), YOUR phone call is BETTER than THEIRS. Your prayer request is the MOST URGENT.

We should feel so sorry for you, and just give and give and give.

6 months later at your office visit, or your coffee visit with us, or wherever, it is still the same. You have all these problems, and they are more important than ours. You have made no effort to change anything in your life (you have heart disease but you still smoke, you have relationship problems but you do not have standards, you have spiritual problems but just can't find the time to go to church, you have addiction problems but can't change your habits, you feel lost and alone but won't read the Bible, you have diabetes but you eat carbs all day) because you have a ROUTINE, and YOU need it, and you are too important and too busy to change these things, or you just don't want to and you have the BEST excuses. Besides, this is OUR fault, at the very least we have to hear about it and BE EMPATHETIC to YOUR needs. WE "just don't understand" YOU, we don't care enough, we don't know how hard it is.

Sometimes your problems have been solved, but only replaced by new problems. We remind you now that you have that job or relationship you've always wanted, but you remind us how stupid we are. THAT didn't make you happy (even though you said that was all you needed), in fact it only caused more NEW and AWFUL problems.

You call the office constantly, you schedule meetings with your pastor/teacher/doctor to whine so you can feel better about yourself afterwards, you update your facebook status everyday with a new woe just to let everyone know how hard life is for you each day (and this is good for fishing for a quick sympathy fix), you call and text your friends or you stay at home and shun them on purpose.

You hate other people who are like you, because they are getting attention. You hate people who aren't like you, because they aren't giving you attention. You aren't involved as a volunteer, you aren't involved in the community, you don't give to charity (unless it's for tax write off), your first thoughts are of your needs. You neglect your life partner and take people for granted. You alienate friends and avoid making new ones because people are "so needy!" and you can't stand to listen to them. You are offended that your pastor asks you to come to church on Sunday, much less WORK in a MINISTRY. You are offended your doctor asks you to make simple life changes that impeded on your preferred diet or lifestyle. You say God is important but He is your last priority. You are good at manipulating people. You are a control freak. You are lazy. You keep people at a distance unless they suit your needs. In fact, in general, other people are very annoying and pretty useless to you unless they "mesh" or "click" with you and contribute to your needs.

You don't make friends or make an effort to care about other people that annoy you. You don't want to get involved with church because it is full of people who are annoying and don't understand you. You don't give and love your family because they are annoying and they don't understand you. You break off relationships or ignore the current ones because they are too much drama for you.

If one thing in your life goes wrong, everything is wrong. You try to compartmentalize to avoid this, to stay in control. You let everyone know when something is disappointing and out of your routine and how inconvenient it is, but you are incapable of being transparent and letting people know when you are a depressed and lonely.

You are selfish.

You are nearsighted.

You are inward focused.

You are a taker.

You are a breaker.

You are blind to your need for a Savior.

You are sinful.

You are jealous.

You are prejudice.

You are hating your neighbor.

You are unaware of your need for a Savior.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

but you think you'll hold together forever.

You know you're low, but you play so high.

You can't play as your own God forever.




I've seen about as much of YOU(s) as I can stand this week. I'm your pastor's wife, I'm your nurse, I'm your friend, I'm your neighbor - I'm not perfect. I do these things too, I'm selfish by nature. But you, YOU are everywhere! We need less of you. I need less ME in me, too, and more God. Why can't WE look outside ourselves to others? Why do we look at other people and see "ANNOYING -- " instead of seeing someone God loves? Someone who is a good friend? Someone who care about us? Why do we spew hate and not love?

And you who have no excuse? Who have been a "CHRISTIAN?" What is the deal?


You remind me of a Keith Green song ==

Do you see, do you see
All the people sinking down
Don't you care, don't you care
Are you gonna let them drown

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

"Oh bless me lord, bless me Lord"
You know it's all I ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear

But He cries, He weeps, He bleeds
And He cares for your needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in
Oh can't you see it's such a sin

'Cause He brings people to you door
And you turn them away
As you smile and say
"God bless you, be at peace"
And all heaven just weeps
'Cause Jesus came to you door
You've left him out on the streets

Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

God's calling and you're the one
But like Jonah you run
He's told you to speak
But you keep holding it in
Of can't you see it's such a sin

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
'Cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

Oh, Jesus rose from the dead
Come on get out of your bed

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

Don't close your eyes
Don't pretend the job's done
"Come away, come away, come away with me my love
Come away, come away, come away with me my love

cuz thats my funday

i was disappointed that we had zero kids in sunday school today but it turned out to be okay because it gave me the opportunity to get to know someone who is new at church who never talks very much.
song time went okay, i played the drums for all the songs instead of switching back and forth to the piano, but our guitarist does not do so well still (ya two years later) by himself. sooo, i dunno, maybe that is a hopeless cause. we have three. THREE. . . . practices a week. the singers probably need like, one. i need like ,a half of one. but three still isnt enough for him to remember or play right. so i dont know... frustrating.

after church Tyler invited us over for lunch and fed us meat. i dont really know what it was, i guess roast? -- but it was just like big chunks of meat. on some bread. and i dont eat meat very often, or like at all usually, unless its tiny chunks of chicken in my tacos, so i was full for like eternity. i'm still full. i could live for like another couple of days without eating. my stomach is like WHAT did you DO to me.
and i had water. so, that was an interesting meal. i guess it really is true that bachelor's just cook meat for meals. he hunts so maybe he shot the...cow..wait maybe it wasnt cow. hmmm.

a busy day because after that josh and i and a friend drove down to seattle which was fun. we had double date time which i had not done in a long time... we went out to dinner. but i was still full. so that was kind of pointless except for the social aspect. we also sat for a long time talking in a coffee shop, which is a very seattle thing to do. in a seattle's best coffeeshop no less. and walked around marymoore park...and looked at the fall colors. which are not really as awesome here as new england, which made me miss new england, so i was sad for a few minutes, but then i found a giant windmill in the park for no apparent reason which made me forget my troubles like a bridge over waters.

then my friend loaded up my mac with a bunch of software, for free, which is awesome... i haven't installed it all yet but i will. oh, i will. and then i will have the creative suite. and open office. and a bunch of other awesome stuff. and just you wait. ....for i don't know what. but just you wait.

i also saw blue ray for the first time. i don't know if just don't watch HDTV (i thought i did though?) or if blueray is better than HD or what, but it was pretty cool. batman was jumping out at me. i still have only seen the first five minutes of the movie "Batman the dark knight" and that is as far as i will ever get probably. everyone was like "it's so awesome!!" so then i expect it to be awesome in the first five minutes and then i'm like....meh...

i had way too much coffee today.

the drive home josh drove and i was drifting in and out of sleep even though five iron frenzy was cranked pretty loud. car rides put me to sleep.

engagement party

went to a friend's engagement party today
had really good mexican food and margaritas and sangria
met the families and bridal party
ate more food
we left after being there six hours
but the party was still going strong

also, if that is how drunk* the groomsmen get at the engagement party, the wedding reception is NOT going to be pretty.





*i noticed $120 bottles of tequila -- they like top shelf -- the bottles were empty after only an hour




and then there is little old me with my little lime margarita. and my camera.

full house

josh made a comment to me the other day that was a pretty "true dat" moment

when i first moved up here i was pretty lonely (except for the whole newlywed phase thing) because i didn't know anyone and was hours from my friends and family.
josh knew some people but a lot of them were just church or college friends that moved away.

josh commented the other day that we have friends now. good friends. and people around who come to our house and hang out, and it is just good times. and we have good people at church. and that is an answer to prayer.

also of note

also of note,
i will be back to blogging more often,
and generally live a happier,
more content life,
no longer depressed,
wish i could quit my job,
but i can't,
so i will keep working,
but at night i will write,
and take photos,
and cook good food,
and love my husband,
and read the Bible and pray,
and love my church,
and teach the kids on the weekend,
and life will be peaceful,
and restful,
for the following reasons:

- there is no more sun until probably April or May 2010 which cuts down on outside distractions and projects and travel.

- it's rainy out a lot and the drizzle is comforting

- it's friggin cold outside (boo!!!)

+ i'm cutting back on my commitments/activities because of BURNOUT!

+ my 365 photo project will be done at the end of October (so tired of looking at my face. srsly.)

+ i get to start on my annual NanoWrimo project in November! I have enjoyed this so much the past 3 years.

+ i pulled out all my tea and coffee and cocoa set and it sits out all the time now for everyone to enjoy a nice hot beverage

+ i like halloween and fall

+ soon it will be thanksgiving and good food

+ soon it will be Christmas which will be full of decorations and lights and celebrations and Happy

+ i'm going to take Josh out on dates because he has done that for me the past couple of months and it was really fun ^_^

+ i may actually paint the living room.... nahhh.

+ maybe i will finally find a cheap sewing machine. still looking. that would open up a whole new world of good home/house stuff to do that i've wanted to do for a long time.

oh hi, i'm alive, barely.

i work all day, overtimes, and then i can home for brief moments, only to be on to the next thing. summertime in our corner of the NW is "this event!!" and "this event!!" and "this activity!" because we try to cram in everything fun and outdoorsy or travel-worthy until the undending grey drizzles happens again and spoils all our plans. This rain and cold could come on at anytime and decide to stay, so it seems to me like a mad rush of people trying to get in their fun and happiness like it was their last day alive on this earth. A constant bucket list, if you will, is running through all our brains.

this past week has been especially bizzare, a steady heat wave in Seattle. It broke all the records and i'm sure the environmentalists were like "here it is!! this is what we told you would happen! this is all your fault for not recycling that can or hugging that tree! you used too much hairspray!!" but anyway, no one has air conditioning in this part of the world. unless you're wal mart or something. so we were all screwed. old people died, children cried themsleves into sickness, and i did not sleep for three nights in a row because my house was 100 degrees on the inside. LITERALLY. NOT JOKING. The inside thermometer said 100. degrees. People got in fights at grocery stores over fans. eastern washington was like "you guys are whiney pansies."

anyway, after tomorrow (going to a friend's wedding.... who's getting married on a battleship. yes. you heard right. a BATTLESHIP.) i am through with the frenzy of summertime. i am not a "eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die" type of individual. yes, i want to be with my friends and family and live life to the fullest, but i want a quiet life, an undivided heart, a happy home where i can actually stay home. the more overtime and stress piled on at work, the more dreams i have at night where i am a mommy with babies and making spaghetti in the kitchen and picking lettuce out of the garden. my biological clock is like "WHAT THE FRACK ARE YOU DOING STOP WORKING WITH OLD SICK PEOPLE ME WANT CUTE BABYYY" and my brain is like "shut up i'm trying to start an IV in a particular thin wiry vein!" And so it goes. And so it will always be, I suppose, even whence the said children if and when arrive, there will still be other things to do and think of, to divide the spirit and mind, to pull and tear, whether it's a job (god i hope not), a sick relative, church ministry.

i find solace and meditate on

Be still, and know that I am God;


I will be exalted among the nations,


I will be exalted in the earth.

new lappy

I'm now blogging from my new lappy - mac powerbook thingee - it's awesome. I'm in looooooooove.

And since Josh got the student discount, I now have an itouch. wow! June IS the best month of the year.


I am really glad I don't have any other exciting things to report, because that means life is just going on and nothing is too out of control. I'm working all the time still, and my job is as frustrating as ever, but hey we all need some sort of stress in our lives I suppose. The other thing is that I've been doing a lot of church stuff - (no Jen not ladies teas or flower arranging) - worship band practice mondays and fridays (i play the drums now, woo!) - tuesdays prayer group/youth group planning - wednesdays bible study (my favorite) - thursdays will be youth group now - sundays is of course sunday school/service. All these things aren't too tiring in themselves, but it's a lot of interaction with people all day - grumpy patients, grumpy doctors, then to go into the evening and interact with more people, although much more pleasant, is still draining.

I think it was two weeks ago that was especially tough, Josh was at school everyday that week for an all-day course, and then he was cramming in homework/regular work during the evenings. That sucked. He also had worked like 3 weeks in a row with no real day off. Things seem to be cooling off here now though, so that's good.

So things get busy. I feel dumby scatterbrained at times because I get so tired, but then there are days like today where it's just, me, the sunshine, Josh, and my new lappytop. And nothing else to do (well except all the house and yardwork but whatever).

I even went out to dinner last night with a friend. Heck yes!!

the vanderhydes

My friends Cass and Mark are pretty cool people. I've known both of them since my junior high days as an awkward homeschooler. I feel really lucky to have known them so long and Cass' family, too. People always ask me, hey, how can you know people so well who live on the other side of the country. Well I was thinking about this the other day, how people born in my decade are much different and have quite a different life even from people born a few years earlier. So much more technology to use nowadays and information is exchanged all the time, as often as you want.

I remember being seriously disappointed being stuck in a new job (nursing "shortage", pshaw) and a new town and being broke and unable to go to their wedding. And yet when the wedding day came, I was sent minute by minute a series of pictures from Sar's cell phone - "virtual" wedding attendance. I was still balling like a baby at the end of the ceremony, just like when I'm at a wedding in "real" life.














Now they are having their first baby, Cass has been in labor like friggin ALL night and day, and I paced around work, glancing at the labor and delivery ward, wishing I was not on the west coast at the moment, wondering if Mark was wandering around the hospital grounds with his iTouch looking for wifi. Wondering if Cass is in pain (duh, probably a lot), or was that nurse starting the IV alright, were they giving her too much fluid, who was monitoring the monitor anyway!

The thing is, I totally could've called or texted Mark or Cass, and asked how things were coming along, but it seems I don't even need to because there is like 1,000 (okay I'm exaggerating) facebook/twitter updates concerning the matter. It's kind of exciting, watching a little story unfold through a newsfeed...

certainly doesn't replace being there, but still interesting, and nice. :)

best wishes

i do like my job, except i don't, it's a love-hate relationship. i love what i do, i hate all the other extra things i have to do in order to stay there doing what i love to do.

i also enjoy the people i work with for the most part, although some of them i am more like laughing at them rather than with them (coughlindseyv2.0cough). i do have a few cherished friends at work, most who work in random departments far away from my nurses station type places like medical records or procedure rooms where i don't know how we came to be such good friends since our paths rarely cross.

one of those friends left their job in med-recs today to start a new life, a new school, etc. this quiet person who mostly never left med-recs but we all knew to be funny, able to find anything, know everyone, call anywhere, get anything fast. reliable. it was amazing to me that at the "small going away shindig at (local mexican restaurant) after work" had 30 nurses crowded around some tables with margaritas waiting for the guest of honor to arrive tonight. i sat there looking around at those nurses and assistants, who aren't really friends with each other, but all had a story to share about how one person had "made my day so much better!" or "always reliable!" or "so funny!" - and i was amazed. they were all smiling and laughing together waiting for him to arrive. this one person (with one leg, one hand and two crutches) made a huge difference in so many peoples lives. and it takes a lot to touch an old nurse's heart or to get them to go anywhere after a long 5-day workweek is over. they show up to an after work function on a FRIDAY. in their scrubs. and only complained about being tired until the margaritas kicked in.

it was just really amazing. i hope someday i can be a little of what that med-recs kid is to so many.

PEELING

Once a upon a time about a year ago I got a new cell phone:


Once upon a time about six months ago Josh got a new lappytop:


I was going to peel these off today, but then I decided not to and the sticky things are still on them.


BWA HA HA!!!



c & p

scheduled event

i like days where my to-do list is:

-sleep in and wake up to the sunshine, not the alarm
-water the tomato plants and seedlings and watch them grow
-eat auntie anne's pretzel/cinnabon for breafkast with a friend
-shop for a fuzzy blue cardigan and cute blue ballet flats
-poke around the plants outside
-cuddle with hubby and watch movies
-learn to photoshop more


i do not like it when -cleaning the house is added to my to-do list.

greek independence bash

I think you need to see pictures of what it's like to celebrate Greek Independence Day with people who don't really know a lot about Greece, Greeks, Independence, or Days:

Don't have Greek Garb to wear? May substitute nearest island community apparel:




At least I know how to make the Greek food, sorta:



Jen had never had Greek food:




And like any good holiday, it should be ended by reading the FetaFilter Blog.

testimony

last night i really enjoyed bible study with my girlfriends - we took a break from bible studying (we finished the peasant princess series and next up is a workbook one that hasn't been shipped from the magic interwebs yet). anyway, last night i got to hear their testimonies (and share mine, which is like, blech, but whatever) and what God had been doing in their lives recently - it was really awesome.

and we had greek food. made by a mexican. i'm not so good at the names, so i call it greek salad (feta!!!!!!), cassie's soup (i think its avgolemono but it's just cassie's soup to me) and uhmmm pita bread and hummus and tzatziki and kalamata olives and ohhh man i'm getting hungry for leftovers....

rojo

I had a pretty good weekend although driving miles and miles and miles was not really something I was into when it was stormy and horrible weather. And Josh was sick, so I was all by myself. I hate driving. I hate snow and wind and rain. I hate the Tacoma Narrows bridge when there's 40 mph gusts. And the ferry when there's 50 mph gusts.

I got to hang out with my cousins Friday and Saturday, that was awesome. We played games and went out to lunch. Saturday night I hung out with Justin and some friends and we reminisced about his dad and good memories. Sunday I ate breakfast with the 'Rents and helped my gramma with some geneology stuff - she is finally finding out some info about my grampa's side of the family which we really don't know a lot about (besides that his parents moved from Kansas to Washington State during the Depression).

Then I saw Matt and D's new little baby boy, very cute.

I was reading my great-gramma's notes about moving out of Kansas "out west" in search of food and a place to live, and to get away from dust - and I was like hmmm, if the Great Depression hits us again, I really can't move farther out west. Like, I could move to Hawaii or Japan I guess...