i went out on dates this weekend with my husband!
i didn't throw up anywheres!
it was awesome!

sometimes i just listen

patients often just start talking to me whilst i am doing some nurse procedurey type thing on them/near them, and i usually like listening to them, for various reasons. first of all, it keeps them calm to keep them talking and keeps their mind off what i'm doing to them. second, it's usually entertaining for me. most patients are elderly and they don't have any problem speaking their mind or telling crazy stories - stuff like that. third, i often walk away with a story or a memory they have held that i will remember for a long time.

i miss working with the military sometimes because the VA patients tend to have colorful stories of war times or just their youth in general was interesting. old guys just have cool stories, you know? a lot of my really elderly patients up here where i live now are more of the farmer/pioneer/fisherman/oil-men types who moved up here back in the day when there was just mountains and trees and eskimos and whatnots and they were still speaking dutch and german. not saying stories about tulips and cows aren't interesting, because they are. but it's ain't no south pacific tale.

anywho, excerpt from this AM, 0910, me starting an IV in a new place in this patient's arm and pushing a few IV drugs through it:

"Yeh, so anyway I told my oldest one there that I didn't need no doctor's visit, but he was right 'cause here I am gettin a heart valve replaced. But the doc said that it'll last 10 years so now my son is sorry i betcha cuz he won't git rid of me for a long time now! Hey, YOUCH! What're you doin in that arm anyway?"

"I just put in the new IV, the needle is out now its just the plastic cannula in your vein."

"Okay, so anyway I tell 'em last night I wanted some ice cream, but they didn't bring me any."

"I could go for some ice cream right now."

"what! you kids! it's 9 in the morning!"

"Well I'm 5 months pregnant so I can have ice cream when I want to."

"Aw well I guess I that's true. Can't argue with that logic. When I married my wife she had 3 children, an' I had 2 childrens, and then we had another children, and they was an army. I mean an ARMY. 3 girls and 3 boys. Yessir that was my oldest son I was tellin you about. And that was 39 years ago we got married, and we're still married, so we did something right. You know when you can stay together with that many kids and trying to merge two families you doin something right. And then we had a baby. You know I'm not a religious man, you know I'm not like some where I go off believin' in some myth about some thing or someone or some religion, but babies, I mean, wow, babies are just... just... "

"A miracle?"

"Yah! Babies are just miracles. I mean, you got you there, a person, and your husband over there, a person, and then you mess around, doin' married people thing, and BAM! a new life. I new formed separate person. Just like made and different and unique and just a new person. there is just no explanation for that anywhere, how that happens to be, well except for maybe.... but like I said I'm not religious. but there's just no denying those sorts of things when you look at a baby."

(i switch vials to the next injection)

"Yessirree and those birds in the nest, they do whatever birds do to make eggs, I don't know how birds do it, but they do their thing and there is precious little eggs up there a few days later. And then cute little baby birds come out. So don't you forget (he shakes his finger at me with his free hand) that that baby is a special, special thing. there is just nothing like that, and it is special."

"Yes sir!"

"Yup, my kids are an army. they are alright now though. i don't mind them so much now. it's kind of nice having so many when you're an old feller like me."

currently

+ my husband is amazing. the past few months have been so crappy, i've been so sick, it was stressful not knowing if i had a job the next day or not, it was stressful sometimes not being able to go to the job i had because i was throwing up like 8 x a day, but he's been like, amazing. caring for me, helping me, holding me, driving me around... yah.i don't think i could say thank you enough.

+ i am officially off the lay off list at work right now... and have a 'new' (*coughexactlythesame*) position and new team to work with

+ i'm not throwing up as much. i can eat regular meals right now with the assistance of some anti-nausea meds.

+ my mom-in-law sent me cute baby booties in the mail

+ i felt baby flutters for the first time!

+ i was able to go with my handsome husband and favorite friends to california and have a wonderful time, and see more wonderful friends who live there. <3

+ i saw sunshine

- i came home to cold rain and wind

+ i opened a fun present with yuppie preggie pops in it that cheered me up

- it made me miss good friends

+ i went out to lunch with newer friends and teased a seagull...found out said new friends are really really really environmentalists/animal rights advocates

+ i teased the seagull more

+ i'm almost back up to my regular weight. 5 lbs to go. feeling less dizzy these days. weird thing is, i totally don't fit into my regular pants, because of a very obvious baby bump.

+ my coworker did an ultrasound on me so i could see my wittle baby

- baby was sneaky and hiding his/her gender

+ i really like my tea and teacups

+ now that i'm feeling better i want to start hanging out with my friends again

+ :-)

goodbye 2009

goodbye 2009

my favorite thing about this year was making memories and learning how to use a camera so i can remember those times later on!!






saying goodbye to the worst, iciest, snowiest winter my area has seen in many years...



enjoyed spring!!





celebrated independence with friends







enjoyed the company of friends



got WAY more into gardening than i thought i would!



loved seeing my husband enjoy ministry and his job



partied





loved youth ministry and summer events with the youth



HAD WONDERFUL FOOD --- i love living in the pacific NW








had some family time....








enjoyed vacations











celebrated engagements





enjoyed my grandparents





mourned the loss of a family pet



celebrated accomplishments of friend's



hugged my husband as much as i could






this new year, 2010, holds some big changes ahead for us. i am excited, terrified, hopeful, courageous, and my heart is full of love and thankfulness.

josh i can't wait to walk into our new life together this year - i love you

when you love somebody

i like this song

birthday more

josh didn't have to preach this morning (that wouldve been bad since we got in so late) but he did have to be there earlier than me. i was supposed to get up and go, but i slept in accidentally because the cell phone alarm was on but the cell phone volume was off. Guhh.

that gave me time to get the rest of his birthday stuff ready. presents, favorite foods and snacks.

we hung out and played his new video games (his brother got him Prince of Persia II which is pretty fun so far) and we went and saw "The Invention of Lying" which was really lame. I thought it was supposed to be laugh out loud funny, but it was more subtle oh look i'm a british guy who thinks i'm funny but i'm the only one who thinks i'm funny oh ah ha ha, boring dialogue, more boring.

i guess if i went into it expecting more of a indie somber life-is-depressing film, it would've been fine. but i wanted to laugh!

luckily it was a matinee.

but we're home now and it's nice and it's fall outside and cozy inside the house.

happy birthday josh

today josh turned 29 years old.

unfortunately his birthday usually falls during the church's association's annual meeting, so we spent the morning and well into the afternoon in a rather remote location off Highway 20, but not too far up highway 20, but far enough to make it along drive and make me very carsick.

the meeting was super boring for me, but i'm sure the pastors were like oo ahh, seminary professor speakers, lectures, booths, socializing, eating food.... la la la. i played on my laptop.

then we drove to bainbridge island. which is far, far away from where we were. so just when i was starting to feel better i got carsick. then we got on the ferry just in time, phew.

once we got to winslow it was lovely. josh and i had some appetizers and happy hour drinks before our friends got there for dinner. dinner was amazing -- so great. josh had a great time. then we saw justin who played a main role in the play "The Producers" - he was so funny. afterwards we celebrated with friends again a little more, then got on the ferry for the long drive home.

we got home like at 2:00 AM or something but it was worth it - i thought it was a great birthday and i think josh had a good time too. it makes me happy to see him happy, and to see old friends and it felt like when were dating back in the day, being out and about, adventuring. flirting over appetizers. i'm more in love with him now than ever.

full house

josh made a comment to me the other day that was a pretty "true dat" moment

when i first moved up here i was pretty lonely (except for the whole newlywed phase thing) because i didn't know anyone and was hours from my friends and family.
josh knew some people but a lot of them were just church or college friends that moved away.

josh commented the other day that we have friends now. good friends. and people around who come to our house and hang out, and it is just good times. and we have good people at church. and that is an answer to prayer.

funeral

sometimes being married to the pastor can be funny

josh came home from a funeral graveside service the other day, and i was like oh how did it go? and he was like it went really good, except for one part i really messed up,

and i was like oh no, what happened,

and he was like,

well,

after the message and the prayer, i said,

"and now we will have a time where people can share their memories of _____,
does anyone have anything they are dying to share?"

also of note

also of note,
i will be back to blogging more often,
and generally live a happier,
more content life,
no longer depressed,
wish i could quit my job,
but i can't,
so i will keep working,
but at night i will write,
and take photos,
and cook good food,
and love my husband,
and read the Bible and pray,
and love my church,
and teach the kids on the weekend,
and life will be peaceful,
and restful,
for the following reasons:

- there is no more sun until probably April or May 2010 which cuts down on outside distractions and projects and travel.

- it's rainy out a lot and the drizzle is comforting

- it's friggin cold outside (boo!!!)

+ i'm cutting back on my commitments/activities because of BURNOUT!

+ my 365 photo project will be done at the end of October (so tired of looking at my face. srsly.)

+ i get to start on my annual NanoWrimo project in November! I have enjoyed this so much the past 3 years.

+ i pulled out all my tea and coffee and cocoa set and it sits out all the time now for everyone to enjoy a nice hot beverage

+ i like halloween and fall

+ soon it will be thanksgiving and good food

+ soon it will be Christmas which will be full of decorations and lights and celebrations and Happy

+ i'm going to take Josh out on dates because he has done that for me the past couple of months and it was really fun ^_^

+ i may actually paint the living room.... nahhh.

+ maybe i will finally find a cheap sewing machine. still looking. that would open up a whole new world of good home/house stuff to do that i've wanted to do for a long time.

forgiveness enough

please pardon the horrible grammar/spelling in this very rambly post. i didnt edit.



things have calmed a bit at work. due to hippa law i can't tell you anything about anything, but let's just say certain patients with certain problems were sent to certain specialists to get certain things inserted into their bodies which is always a source of celebration around these parts in organ failure land. whether it be mechanical or from a donor, it gives you a second chance of life and is a controversial miracle. oh how i wish i could share the incredible stories!! and just how happy and awesome it is! and how emotionally draining and yet fulfilling and energizing it is to work as a nurse in this field - all at the same time, weirdness and happiness and despair and laughter, all at once... usually i only have one or two patients like this every few months, this month i had four! all at once! eek!

anyway, today was incredibly uneventful at work, but i realized just how far behind emergent things put you... with non-emergent things. like paperwork. and phone calls to insurance. and phone calls to pharmacies. and phone calls to chronic dz pts. and more paperwork. and charting. oh and more charting. and more fighting with insurance. oh and the staff is super upset and stressed out from last week, so everyone is calling in sick, and the nursing assistants take frequent smoke breaks and are rarely available to their well, uhm, JOB.

it all adds up. just today i had 75 calls on my phone from patients. all little things, requests, questions about results, prognosis, family members, concerns, worries. it seemed every call someone had something kind of bad going on in their life, medical or otherwise - it made me feel small talking to them, offering what reassurance or answers i could. i thought, dude, here i spent the weekend with a bit of a bad cold (stupid summer colds) and feeling sorry for myself and especially pitiful Sunday morning, having a bit (or a two hour long) of an emotional meltdown from all the stress at work of the previous week, the whole "oh i just can't face another week again" deal, and of course it all faded within a few hours and i was myself again (except for the stuffy nose). i hugged my ever-cheerful husband who loves me inspite of the above noted emotional outburst, i also prayed to my Rock and my Salvation who is my Comforter. i remembered all the blessings He has provided, especially all the happy edible reminders out in the garden which shimmer in the sunshine. and i felt small. and humbled. and today again, so small, so humble. For whatever reason, God has blessed me. I do not know why He chose me to bless, i do not deserve it. but He does. and He continues to. talking with all these patients, who have so many, many urgent problems or pain or illness right in their face right now - i just, i have it so easy i think. so so easy.

i heard about this guy that Josh was reading to me about on Saturday night - there was this really sick guy, and his friends and family grew more concerned about his condition, and he was in and out of the hospital, and they took him to every doctor and medical clinic and specialist, and finally his condition grew worse and worse until he was weaker, and weaker, and in pain all the time, and finally he was paralyzed. his mother and father despaired for him, for he had so many dreams and they had so many dreams for him and what he would become. his brothers and friends swore to find him a cure, and they gave their hard earned money and gave of their time searching the country and even overseas for any treatment, anyone who could shed light on the cause of his illness. test after test, treatment after treatment, nothing, it just got worse.

finally, they heard of a religious teacher who had healed people of their illnesses. nothing else had worked - they made the journey to find him. there were throngs of people surrounding the building, it was impossible to get inside, especially with a paralyzed guy. but the brothers would not give up - they dug through a frickin ROOF. Yah, they like, chopped up the roof and put a huge hole in some guy's roof. i dunno if it was because they really had faith in the teacher, that he was really God, or if they were just desperate for answers, for hope - but they did it. Broke probably a bunch of laws like trespassing, destroying property, endangering people who were below them when a roof caved in -- but they didn't care. they were like screw it, my brother needs help. no one else can help him.

when the teacher saw them and the paralyzed guy, he said, "Son, your sins are forgiven."

a hush fell over the crowd - seriously? i mean, that's nice and all, but, isn't this guy's REAL problem kind of obvious? like, hello, he has a serious disease here... he's paralyzed... he's in pain... he is not the person that he should be.

i think i would like to just leave the story here. that it where i left it. for a few minutes at least. you're in pain. you are weak. you are paralyzed now after battling this illness for years and years. you just think, if only i could see God face to face, if he could really see me and know what i am going through, he would heal me. he would change all of this. his whole family prayed for YEARS - years - for his healing and his relief from this disease. they dug through a frickin roof i still can't believe it - and God told the guy "Your sins are forgiven."

now we do know the rest of the story, the guy was healed. but what if we didn't know the rest of the story. what if it was just left at, "your sins are forgiven."

sometimes it is the end of the story. "your sins are forgiven" - is that enough for you?

oh hi, i'm alive, barely.

i work all day, overtimes, and then i can home for brief moments, only to be on to the next thing. summertime in our corner of the NW is "this event!!" and "this event!!" and "this activity!" because we try to cram in everything fun and outdoorsy or travel-worthy until the undending grey drizzles happens again and spoils all our plans. This rain and cold could come on at anytime and decide to stay, so it seems to me like a mad rush of people trying to get in their fun and happiness like it was their last day alive on this earth. A constant bucket list, if you will, is running through all our brains.

this past week has been especially bizzare, a steady heat wave in Seattle. It broke all the records and i'm sure the environmentalists were like "here it is!! this is what we told you would happen! this is all your fault for not recycling that can or hugging that tree! you used too much hairspray!!" but anyway, no one has air conditioning in this part of the world. unless you're wal mart or something. so we were all screwed. old people died, children cried themsleves into sickness, and i did not sleep for three nights in a row because my house was 100 degrees on the inside. LITERALLY. NOT JOKING. The inside thermometer said 100. degrees. People got in fights at grocery stores over fans. eastern washington was like "you guys are whiney pansies."

anyway, after tomorrow (going to a friend's wedding.... who's getting married on a battleship. yes. you heard right. a BATTLESHIP.) i am through with the frenzy of summertime. i am not a "eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die" type of individual. yes, i want to be with my friends and family and live life to the fullest, but i want a quiet life, an undivided heart, a happy home where i can actually stay home. the more overtime and stress piled on at work, the more dreams i have at night where i am a mommy with babies and making spaghetti in the kitchen and picking lettuce out of the garden. my biological clock is like "WHAT THE FRACK ARE YOU DOING STOP WORKING WITH OLD SICK PEOPLE ME WANT CUTE BABYYY" and my brain is like "shut up i'm trying to start an IV in a particular thin wiry vein!" And so it goes. And so it will always be, I suppose, even whence the said children if and when arrive, there will still be other things to do and think of, to divide the spirit and mind, to pull and tear, whether it's a job (god i hope not), a sick relative, church ministry.

i find solace and meditate on

Be still, and know that I am God;


I will be exalted among the nations,


I will be exalted in the earth.

instant netflix

we dont have cable or anything anymores, but josh put instant netflix on the xbox.

basically, any movie netflix has available on "instant" i can watch, well, instantly - high def if available- on our tv! No mail, no waiting, no hollywood video store. Sweet.

this was especially helpful when i was sick. i found some pretty sweet chick flicks to watch.

+ He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (with Ms. Tatou - 2002)
+ Love in the Afternoon (with Ms. Hepburn - 1957)
+ My Man Godfrey (1936)
+ You Can't Take It With You (1938)
+ His Girl Friday (1940) **a fave!

yes josh did have to put up with some...

new lappy

I'm now blogging from my new lappy - mac powerbook thingee - it's awesome. I'm in looooooooove.

And since Josh got the student discount, I now have an itouch. wow! June IS the best month of the year.


I am really glad I don't have any other exciting things to report, because that means life is just going on and nothing is too out of control. I'm working all the time still, and my job is as frustrating as ever, but hey we all need some sort of stress in our lives I suppose. The other thing is that I've been doing a lot of church stuff - (no Jen not ladies teas or flower arranging) - worship band practice mondays and fridays (i play the drums now, woo!) - tuesdays prayer group/youth group planning - wednesdays bible study (my favorite) - thursdays will be youth group now - sundays is of course sunday school/service. All these things aren't too tiring in themselves, but it's a lot of interaction with people all day - grumpy patients, grumpy doctors, then to go into the evening and interact with more people, although much more pleasant, is still draining.

I think it was two weeks ago that was especially tough, Josh was at school everyday that week for an all-day course, and then he was cramming in homework/regular work during the evenings. That sucked. He also had worked like 3 weeks in a row with no real day off. Things seem to be cooling off here now though, so that's good.

So things get busy. I feel dumby scatterbrained at times because I get so tired, but then there are days like today where it's just, me, the sunshine, Josh, and my new lappytop. And nothing else to do (well except all the house and yardwork but whatever).

I even went out to dinner last night with a friend. Heck yes!!

HUSBAND

Josh has some great quotable moments on Sundays, mostly because he talks a lot (i.e. sermon, going out to lunch and more talking, playing Halo on xbox live) - but today was especially quotable.


"But you're not people, you're my wife!"

(Later in the evening explaining why he was too tired to hang out with people but that he still wanted to hang out with me.)

So we're staying in tonight and continuing our Netflix instant play of MacGyver Season One.

pizza

josh and i kinda splurged, and got DELIVERY pizza. whoa. hadn't done that in a long time. so much fun. we ordered ONLINE. craziness!

he got his meat lovers bringer of death to all known animals pizza, and i got my thin crust veggie extra sauce no cheese pizza. heh.

okay, so we ordered it online, and then it arrived at our door! i was like, whoa. it even came with soda.

the delivery guy however was super creepy. and it stayed like, an awkward amount of time. he reminded me of "The Lingerer" (character on Jimmy Fallon's show). we were just like, dude, leave, okay, we'll sign, yes, we have a pen, okay, there, bye.

the pizza was really good.

mostly because we didn't have to go to the store or deal with anymore people (except for creepy pizza delivery guy) and there were no easter eggs or matzah cracker involved and no work and it was just like magic. and just in time. and we were refreshed, and played video games, and felt like real live people again.

the end.

scheduled event

i like days where my to-do list is:

-sleep in and wake up to the sunshine, not the alarm
-water the tomato plants and seedlings and watch them grow
-eat auntie anne's pretzel/cinnabon for breafkast with a friend
-shop for a fuzzy blue cardigan and cute blue ballet flats
-poke around the plants outside
-cuddle with hubby and watch movies
-learn to photoshop more


i do not like it when -cleaning the house is added to my to-do list.

monday

today was exciting. i woke up. i drove to work. i answered triage phone calls all morning. i did paperwork. i argued with insurance companies about medication coverage.

I WENT OUT TO OLIVE GARDEN WITH JOSH!! YAH!!!

i went back to work. had some new patients transfer in from other clinics - a cold foot, some other urgent stuff. did hospital admissions. did some rounding. did more triage calls.

went to the pharmacy.

CAME HOME TO SPEND TIME WITH JOSH! YAH!!!

mawwiage

I've been appreciating my husband a lot this week. I really really love being married and it is so much more than I thought it would be - exceeding my expectations in the happiness and wellness departments. So when I saw this questionnaire making the rounds I said hey why not.

What are your middle names?
My middle name is Mae. It was my Aunt Freda's middle name and my grandma's middle name, and eerily similar to my mom's middle name. And it's not spelled with a Y, people. I don't know why it's not ask them hispanic folks.
Josh's middle name is Emerson and it's a family name, too. He doesn't know where his ancestors came from so don't ask, no seriously he has like no heritage so it seems.

How long have you been together?
Been married 2 1/2 years - I think we've been dating since like 2003.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Since Fall 2000 - I first recall meeting him at school (community college) as he walked up the steps to the courtyard building and my friend jonathan introduced him to me. I remember thinking when started walking up "Oh yay! A friend closer to my age!" (I was 16 at the time and thought he might be 17 or 18) but when he got more into view I thought, "Oh, just another older guy like jonathan . blah." (cause apparently 20 is SO old!) That pretty much is where our friendship stayed for like two years. That old guy jonathan hangs out with.

Who asked whom out?
Unclear. Mutual decision.

How old are each of you?
I'm 24. He's old. Kidding he's four years older than me.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
His. Duhhhh I'm an only child! But we see my family more, cuz they live close by.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
He's a full time pastor and I'm a full time RN - we work with time and emotionally-demanding people groups.

Did you go to the same school?
We went to the same community college and even commuted there together while we were friends. Unfortunately we only started dating when he lived far away. So, that was kinda lame, for like three years!!

Are you from the same home town?
Noooooo. No. No.

Who is smarter?
Josh can like, read and study and stuff and then teach people and be all interested and committed to it. I read and study to take tests well and learn science and regurgitate and then promptly forgettaboutit.

Who is the most sensitive?
He has pretty tough skin. I think as long as he feels he's respected he's fine with anything. I'm the woman who comes home from work all blubbery.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Mmmmmmmmmmm mexican food. But we try to hit all the local restaraunts and try something new.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Chicago? Oklahoma? Boston? Which one of those is farther?

Who has the craziest exes?
Wow it really is a toss up. I have crazy bipolar guy from high school, but he has crazy girl from high school... I think I win, though. I mean, who can say they get a call from their boyfriend from Local County Psych Ward? When he's talking about the spots he sees on the cieling that are going to eat the elephants?

Who has the worst temper?
Me maybe? We're both too easy going. I'll revisit this question after we have children and probably say "me!!! I have the worst!! aughh!!"

Who does the cooking?
Me. Well I prefer to do the cooking. Josh is a great cook. I have to yell get out of my kitchen a lot.

Who is the neat-freak?
NOT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. EVER. He is OCD about neatness.

Who is more stubborn?
Depends on what it's about. I'm stubborn about uhm, everything, but not for very long. He's stubborn about particular things, for like, ever.

Who hogs the bed?
Josh. Which is why we got a bigger bed.

Who wakes up earlier?
Josh. By like 20 minutes.

Where was your first date?
Goodies - candy shoppe in Bremerton. I think???

Who is more jealous?
Josh probably since I don't pay attention

How long did it take to get serious?
Him being gone for 6 months on active duty with ARMY

Who eats more?
Josh eats bigger meals but I eat more frequent smaller meals

Who does the laundry?
I'm supposed to..... and if he does bad things happen to the whites. Pink, bad things.

Who's better with the computer?
Josh.

Who drives when you are together?
Josh. I *hate* driving.

love and marriage

119/365, originally uploaded by heidini.

happy valentines day to us.

we were engaged on a valentines weekend just like this... not too long ago....