helper is helpless

i have had some really sad stories this week.
every patient has a story, but these ones are truly heartbreaking.
and there is only so much i can do, and so much the social workers can do,
and beyond that -

it's like,

okay i don't really know how to explain it. like this one patient, at the point in her life when her kids and family should be helping her and caretaking, instead they are taking her money and neglecting her and... TOTALLY taking advantage of her. I'm sure they have been abusing her, they are angry people, it's just sad. and she says things like "i deserve it" or "i don't say anything because i'm guilty"

i have noticed a recurring theme, and i hate to say it, but it is true this week with these particular people, these patients have made poor life decisions in the past and it is catching up with them. drug abuse, poor choices in relationships, addiction issues, quitting school, neglecting children... allowing people into their lives who shouldn't be. anger, resentment.

now they are facing end of life issues, and they are helpless to care for themselves and manage the things they used to now that they are sick and weak. through the 20s, 30s, 40s, they were able to take care of themselves. broken relationships, could handle on their own. not letting addiction get in the way too much, handle on their own. holding down jobs, handle on their own. dealing with their kids or troublesome boyfriends/girlfriends, handle on their own. making money, being successful, all on their own strength.

they didn't "need" God. they didn't "need" unconditional love. they didn't need a church. "I just wanted to be a good person, and I can do that and I have been." or "I just wanted to have fun, religion holds you back."

another patient was telling me "I thought I had time to figure out God Stuff later. And now I don't have time."

And really -- honestly, a huge part of my job is extending life. Transplants, mechanical hearts, etc. -- they all give you a SECOND chance at life. And yet this week I saw someone throw their second chance away with a second-round of alcohol/drug abuse. "It makes me feel good" "It's how I cope" ... "I feel overwhelmed, its the only thing I turn to" ....At that split second before facing your own demise, you'd think it'd change your mind, your heart. Oh look, my body can't do this living thing on it's own, I can't do this on my own, I cry out to who for help? That patient cried out to God. I heard them do it. Well here is their second chance, and they still try it on their own. When God is so THERE, I mean, like, so SIMPLE to turn it over to Jesus. Just rest in Him. Find forgiveness. Find peace. Find grace, real grace, the kind that is unconditional love, that changes you and your family, the God that answers your prayers, the One that is always faithful... It's not just your physical body that needs God...

It makes me think about the decisions we make when we are young, and how important they are. Especially relationships. Who we allow into our lives, and especially who we choose to spend the rest of our life with. Oh sure, falling in love is easy to do. Even getting serious and settling down, people can totally do that without God. Then you just figure it all out later, right?

Why not "figure it out" before? Why not have a real relationship with God, some real morality, and make good decisions for your future before you mess everything up? Why not let God in earlier?
Do they think He would've ruined everything? Ruined all their fun?

Wow what fun divorce was after having two kids. What fun finding out Mr. Right was Mr. Doesn't love God or you, maybe at first, until a sexier girl comes along.

What fun addictions were, and depression, and neglecting your children. What great things to go through alone and on your own strength.

What fun it is now to be alone. In a hospital bed. Talking about your life with a stranger, a nurse, who is paid to be there, who you just met yesterday.