pastors wife

I don't really write a lot about being a pastor's wife. Sometimes I feel like I don't do many pastor's wife type things. I don't usually go to our church's local association pastor's wives activities - okay, I never go - because they are at 10 AM on Thursday morning or something lame like that. So I rarely even see another "Pastor's wife". I don't go or lead the ladies Bible study, not only because they hold it at a time where I can't get there on time after work, but they are all generations older than me. I don't organize the potlucks. I'm a working woman, and that is looked down upon by many people in our church, but hey, they don't want to pay Josh a decent paycheck, so, gotta work. Oh, and as I have been told many times, I don't dress up enough. I don't own enough dresses and high heels. I don't wear makeup. I don't do my hairup enough. I don't have gaggles of kids running behind me that are my own. Oh yes, my favorite comment of the morning was, "So, I don't want to ask you, in case you CAN'T cook, 'cause I know you probably don't know how to cook - but we put you and Josh down for a casserole for next week's potluck." I'm like thinking to myself, "yes, I can cook, casseroles stand for everything that is wrong with potlucks and stand for what I'm culinarily against in life, and can I just punch you for offending my mad cooking skillz?!" But I just said, "Oh, I'm sure I can come up with something."

Then there are times where I feel I do a lot. Sunday school, playing piano at church, hosting Bible studies at our home, feeding people and talking with them Sundays and Wednesdays, sometimes Saturdays, sometimes Tuesdays. Going out to other peoples home to get to know them better, lots of talking and meetings and most that Josh goes to I don't even bother because it seems there are so many. And of course all the other church activities that are options to "do" stuff at. Somebody is always ready to volunteer me.

I was feeling rather introspective after Sunday school today - I love teaching the kids, even though it's stressful having all the grades in one class - but the more I get to know the kids, I realize what sad, broken homes some of them come from. These kids are so precious, so beautiful, yet are treated so poorly at home. I know it's hard to be a single parent, or to be a grandmother raising a child on your own... but it is sad to me when children learn "God loves you!" at church and then go home and see many bad people come through their lives and the person who is supposed to protect them - isn't there. And yet these kids still have a tiny seed of faith for God, and room for God in their lives, and want to have a personal relationship with Jesus - and they are joyful.

I was pondering these things as I sat in the back row at service today. Usually I try to sit in the middle, sitting next to another young person so I'm not sitting alone (obviously Josh isn't able to sit with me and listen to himself preach) - but today I sat in the very back. I wanted to see people.

I thought back to almost two years ago, when I sat in the back of the church to watch people in service because I was curious about them. It was a new church to me, and though Josh talked about many of the people, I had not yet put faces and names together. Then I saw people who were 'doers', talking about what they could do for this ministry, or that, or what to do this evening at Bible study, or next Wednesday at prayer group. They seemed to be in a frenzy of activities at all times.

Today I saw people who were still doers, but were tired. I saw the hurts they had talked about with us - the recent deaths in the family - the late nights at the hospital we had spent with them - the very late night phone calls to our house from them - the new marriages - the sadness when their children's lives fell apart - the financial troubles - the homelessness - the rotten marriages, abuse and divorce - the tiredness. The pains. Even a church so small as ours, it can seem overwhelming.

Josh's sermon today (he is going through the book of Joshua, ironic, yes?) was about sin. This dude named Achan stole some plunder from Jericho, when God said not to, and then he hid it, and then he didn't fess up about it, and then he faced the consequences. His whole family faced them. All of Israel faced them - many lives were lost. Once it was justified, God had mercy on them again.

I have seen so much sin this year and the pain it has caused our members. The previous pastor let them down. People let people down. People let us down. People let themselves down. I've seen how sick it makes them. It is also interesting to me how just one person's sin can mess up the whole church so bad and get them in a tizzy.

So I pondered all these things in the back row. At the end of service, when I saw everyone singing the closing song - I saw hope on their faces. We were reminded today - we are stricken with sin, it is all around us, but if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins, and cleanse us from it. The gift of God is eternal life. His mercy is real. His grace is given to us today - a new day.

So, maybe I'm not a pastor's wife by the baptist standards. I don't 'do' stuff for church events, I don't fold napkins at the potlucks. I did feel today that God was saying, "See, I have used you and Josh." And I felt like there was so much more to be done. I am glad we open up our home to our members, as well as our phone line, our schedules. We listen to them, and pray for them. For us, for them, I am filled with hope.

Now if they would stop doing and just be with God and be people of prayer and then action. But that's a pastor's wife post for another day.